dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
