can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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