Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
