I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
