I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
