i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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