thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize