Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
