weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
