So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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