we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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