So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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