I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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