Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize