Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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