i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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