It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
