Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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