God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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