Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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