Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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