god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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