ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
