How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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