to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Is it because I queefed?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
