guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
