I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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