So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
