My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
