a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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