Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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