Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
