oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
