dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
