Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
