R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
