I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
