I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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