am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
