In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
