whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
