When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
