Need sex. Gaining weight.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
