I faked an abortion last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
