I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
