I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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