I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
