I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
