just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize