Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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