covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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