A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
