You smell like a Billy Joel song
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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