Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
