More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
