I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
