She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
