After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
