I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
