Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
