you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
