you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
