Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize