I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
