I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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