feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
