i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
