I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
