I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
