I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
