my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
