I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
