i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
