did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
