We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
