i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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