Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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