There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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