You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
