I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize