you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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