I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
